He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
