i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How's work?
Spinning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
