Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
