your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
