Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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