Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no, he came in my armpit
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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