would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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