i think my mom watched the whole time
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
