youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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