I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
