The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
