butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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