Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
