wanna go halves on a baby?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
