I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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