Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
