I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
