i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
