Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
