You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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