Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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