I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
