Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
