I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
