At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
