we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
