okay pat passed out under dana's car
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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