saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
