I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
