Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
