bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
