Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
