I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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