I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
