she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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