Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
