bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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