Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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