i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
