her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
pray to the hookup gods
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
