i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
