If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
