i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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