It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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