I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
