i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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