I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
