If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
