Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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