if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
