My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
