And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
