woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
