I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
