We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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