my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
